I Wish We Wouldn't End Up Like This, but I'll Never Know.

I can already see us breaking into pieces, because my heart is just not ready to be settled - it probably never will. You are from that good nice caring family, having a mother who'd want nothing more than you living a stable life. I'll never be the one who can give you that life. 

I'm born to run, I'm born to break other people's heart. 

Sometimes I'd like to picture us in 10 years time, you'll always be behind me and supporting my wildness and craziness. But I just can't see that turning into reality. I live what you called higher class life, love those extra things. Never fail to admit that I'm a drama Queen. Those arguments, those sassiness, I just can't live without them. It's hard for me to see myself out of a big city - I currently am, and it's killing me inside. I miss the city lights, the busy tube runs, the sirens that screams so lord made me panic. Not used to this calm countryside kind of life, probably never will get used to it either. 

Want to be next to you, but also want to live in freedom again. I am a monster half of the time, even me hate myself. 

Pandora's Box

I always say the past is like Pandora's box, don't open it up unless it's necessary. When you think about it, no matter how amazing the memories were, they are only bittersweet now. We will never be able to relive those moments, no matter how much you once cherish and praying those moments won't fade away - they fade away. Much quicker than you'd think. 

But honestly, who doesn't live without having this Pandora's box in their closet?

Recently a friend got me to open up my box, and frankly the experience wasn't pleasant. I was reminded with things that I would love to forget - but I never will. It is once of my most precious memories, no matter the ending. Thinking about her still occasionally gives me strength, the reason why I worked so hard towards everything was so she might come back to me. It will never happen. I know. 

Once I was young, chasing for a fever dream. Running my life imaging a romantic film would become true - after some long and painful years, we meet up and fall for each other again, then happily ever after. Only I forget there's no such thing for a lesbian couple, we live by tragedy. Summer fling, winter fireplace; only memories bring them lives. 

When I close my eyes, I'm next to the sea with you again. There, strumming on our guitars, we are back to our teenage years dreaming to become some amazing adults. We were kids who known everything, yet nothing. Wasted our youth with drinking Vodka with no mixer, pretended we were not drunk and able to walk straight. Curiosity, drugs, and love. 

Only love, that still burns bright, and will always burn bright. 

Home is 17

Found a faded Polaroid

In the pocket of my ripped jeans 

Next to a train ticket that's a-few-year old 

Memories flooding back

It was an afternoon like this

Faded blue, lawless teens

So bottom up to those years

Sun never set in that seaside town

Dancing under a starry sky

How you kissed me on my right eye 

Ice on ice running in the wind 

Crossed my heart and crossed my mind

Would you take me back to 17

Would you?

Barely ever think about it

My wasted youth in the pouring rain

Won't admit I belong to anywhere 

I might be a hypocrite

Wrote this on a London train 

Fearless days, autumn air 

Can you hear me?

Same place, different people

Same teens, forever feeble 

From the eyes of a Gemini

I can't go back.

Said goodbye to those years

Staring at the past with running tears

Used to dance all night long

Wasting youth was nothing wrong

Ice on ice we were running wild 

Dreaming of hope being exiled 

I could never run back to 17

But memories are evergreen. 

Cause home is 17.